How do you solve a problem like procrastination? Well, it's the summer now and I feel like I have more time on my hands to do what I want (on top of driver's ed, two summer online classes, job applications, and summer homework HAHA WHATEVER). Music has become an important aspect of my summer. I made a playlist of all my favorite songs from last summer and it all still puts me in the same mindset I was in then. This summer has a different sound and feeling and I like that. I made a playlist (IT'S AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST). I've been working on some music of my own. I like it quite a lot, I use a looper and I have almost a complete song, so I am going to make a music video in a storage warehouse with my friends and then post it online and YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT (hopefully).
I've been feeling the summery magical L.A. fairy-tale vibes lately. I've been sort of tip-toeing around this vibe for a long time, but it's become very evident to me that I need it right now! I read the
Dangerous Angels books by
Francesca Lia Block about a year ago and I have been obsessing over them ever since. (If you haven't read these books yet, there may be some SPOILERS in this post so AVOID!) I can see aspects of myself in all of the characters as though I'm looking into a mirror. Especially with Weetzie Bat and Witch Baby. Weetzie is just so open and perfectly herself; she tries her best to make sure everyone is loved and happy, even though she sometimes forgets about herself. She makes mistakes but is always honest. The part of me that is longing for something, I'm not sure what, identifies with Witch Baby. She's got a lot to learn and doesn't know everything yet, but she looks everywhere for the answers. I love when Witch Baby meets Angel Juan after the whole Raphael Chong ordeal. It's just such a relief, like
finally Witch Baby gets a break. And
of course it's Angel Juan, they are so perfect for each other. They fit together like puzzle pieces.
Right now I am reading White Oleander by Janet Fitch. It has the same magical aesthetic as Francesca Lia Block's books, but there is more of a real-world feeling as well. Astrid is at this age that is very malleable and there are so many people around her that can change her. She's got a million different destinies. That's what makes me connect White Oleander to the Dangerous Angels books. Astrid isn't consistent, she changes at every turn of the page, just as her environment changes at the turn of a page.
White Oleander gives me sort of an uneasy feeling, but I think that that's just because I am growing up too. I have a million different destinies, and everything around me can change me.
I think there is something really interesting about characters that aren't perfect or consistent. They seem more real. After all, people aren't consistent or believable in real life, so why should characters in books be? The unpredictable, the unknown, is what makes life interesting! I once had a friend who said "Spontaneity is the spice of life". Of course, he said it ironically, but I think of it as sort of a dear old cliche. There's, like, this thing about growing up; you have to experiment and sort of go crazy in order to sort of make a space for yourself to grow into what you are to become. I love this one line from Dangerous Angels:
“If you want to find the trail, if you want to find yourself, you must explore your dreams alone. You must grow at a slow pace in a dark cocoon of loneliness so you can fly like wind, like wings, when you awaken.”
I've found a lot of freedom in this thought; that I don't have to be the same every day. I don't owe anyone my predictability. At least, not yet. I'm afraid that as I get older I will have to be more believable and consistent in order to, you know, get a job and make money. I hope not.
